I have only been to a few weddings in my lifetime so far. I haven been in any. But today was my FIRST experience at a baby shower. The one I attended in April was for a baby that had been born already few months before...not still in the tummy of mommy.
And it kinda sucked. I was very happy for the person having a baby as its my cousin and we are close. We grew up together, her and my sister and my other cousin too (her sister). But at the same time she is a year younger then me, been married 2 years and is seriously happy. I am trying again from this SINGLE point of view to figure out how I am supposed to get to her spot.
After all I am not getting any younger and I sometimes feel I am so low on the bottom with age and kids that its gonna be impossible to have them. You only get so many good years to be able to get pregnant and its WAY easier in your 20's. Your 30's its harder and the closer you get and after you hit the 40's you will be even harder to have them.
I am glad that this baby shower I wasnt the only single gal there. Me and my sister attended a SMALLER shower earlier this year in April (smaller meaning very little people) and we was the only two there without kids or married one either or both. Today there was a few people younger and I was glad. And a few more than just two single. It included my sister, me, my friend and our cousin (and my cousin who was pregnant's) older sister.
This is the conclusion I have cause truly I want to have a baby and I have for sometime now since I was a kid maybe even. That we need to be in the right spot and we will get all we desire but it has to be about Gods good timing. As much as I DESIRE to be a mom WITH ALL MY HEART I am just not in such a place to be it right now. I am not making much money, I am not in my career, I am not living on my own, I am not married (important BIG one!). How I get to that place I guess in the end is up to God. Its not up to me or anyone else. I cant make a list and check it twice on a husband, I cant do much of anything. I can be silly and read baby books, plan fake weddings, day dream and hope that it will come true.
But having kids will always be one of my top THREE life goals: Career I love, Husband, Kids. Its right there written in the stars, my heart and my life. Just being single right now and NO WHERE near that goal just kinda breaks my heart no matter how happy I am for the person having a baby its just not easy when it isnt you.
That is all.
