So me and my sister both "single girls" decided a year ago in October to try out the Singles Way Fellowship at the OS CC. At first we liked it but it wasnt what I thought.
Maybe my expectations were too high. I went in expecting people of all ages and what I got was most people are way older then me 40's or more. In fact I have been to meetings almost every month since we began (skipping Nov & Dec & this year skipping July & Aug) and I have yet to see a lot of people MY age. I am not young I am not old I am inbetween.
Now I didnt go to "find the one" (although I thought it might happen with the first meeting and then I didnt anymore when I came back again 2 months later). I thought it would be fellowshipping with singles out there and seeing what there was to do. But I havent found that yet. I just find people who are older way older then me, most of them girls/gals, and most are single and happy.
I guess that could be my problem. I am single and not happy. I am not content on being single I want to be out there dating I want to be married. I am not okay. I guess also it could be we dont go to church at CCOS anymore we go to another church. Trying to currently connect with others like us at the new church isnt easy. Not a lot of churches have singles groups. It seems so far only CC do and we are not associated with them anymore. Breaking away from them was easy having moved to TN then AZ and not finding any CC love we kinda left them for other churches and found we liked it better. So the SWF here at CCOS is like going to CCOS the teachings we dont agree with.
Doesnt help we both have ADD get bored at the studies and two months ago agreed we mostly come for the free coffee & food after. I dont even get much out of the studies. We also both work in retail part time and since we dont have real jobs its not easy. Top off with I'm not into Christian music anymore and so on...
Dont get me wrong. I want to maybe do some stuff with the group movies, hikes at Joshua Tree, the works. If I had a job and stuff. The lunch in's are nice but we've only been able to afford time & money for one so far and felt kinda like we didnt belong since most again people there are in their 40's and about half have been married before some even have kids.
And we are both in our 30's (sister will be in Dec) and have not dated, married, or divorced or even had kids. Guess we just dont fit it.
Hoping soon we can find a group to fit into that is more like us. At least closer to our age would be nice. Maybe I can finally then get my ability to talk to singles especially guys could be helped if we found more singles like us.
Till next time from single land!
==me==
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Baby OH BABY!
I have only been to a few weddings in my lifetime so far. I haven been in any. But today was my FIRST experience at a baby shower. The one I attended in April was for a baby that had been born already few months before...not still in the tummy of mommy.
And it kinda sucked. I was very happy for the person having a baby as its my cousin and we are close. We grew up together, her and my sister and my other cousin too (her sister). But at the same time she is a year younger then me, been married 2 years and is seriously happy. I am trying again from this SINGLE point of view to figure out how I am supposed to get to her spot.
After all I am not getting any younger and I sometimes feel I am so low on the bottom with age and kids that its gonna be impossible to have them. You only get so many good years to be able to get pregnant and its WAY easier in your 20's. Your 30's its harder and the closer you get and after you hit the 40's you will be even harder to have them.
I am glad that this baby shower I wasnt the only single gal there. Me and my sister attended a SMALLER shower earlier this year in April (smaller meaning very little people) and we was the only two there without kids or married one either or both. Today there was a few people younger and I was glad. And a few more than just two single. It included my sister, me, my friend and our cousin (and my cousin who was pregnant's) older sister.
This is the conclusion I have cause truly I want to have a baby and I have for sometime now since I was a kid maybe even. That we need to be in the right spot and we will get all we desire but it has to be about Gods good timing. As much as I DESIRE to be a mom WITH ALL MY HEART I am just not in such a place to be it right now. I am not making much money, I am not in my career, I am not living on my own, I am not married (important BIG one!). How I get to that place I guess in the end is up to God. Its not up to me or anyone else. I cant make a list and check it twice on a husband, I cant do much of anything. I can be silly and read baby books, plan fake weddings, day dream and hope that it will come true.
But having kids will always be one of my top THREE life goals: Career I love, Husband, Kids. Its right there written in the stars, my heart and my life. Just being single right now and NO WHERE near that goal just kinda breaks my heart no matter how happy I am for the person having a baby its just not easy when it isnt you.
That is all.
And it kinda sucked. I was very happy for the person having a baby as its my cousin and we are close. We grew up together, her and my sister and my other cousin too (her sister). But at the same time she is a year younger then me, been married 2 years and is seriously happy. I am trying again from this SINGLE point of view to figure out how I am supposed to get to her spot.
After all I am not getting any younger and I sometimes feel I am so low on the bottom with age and kids that its gonna be impossible to have them. You only get so many good years to be able to get pregnant and its WAY easier in your 20's. Your 30's its harder and the closer you get and after you hit the 40's you will be even harder to have them.
I am glad that this baby shower I wasnt the only single gal there. Me and my sister attended a SMALLER shower earlier this year in April (smaller meaning very little people) and we was the only two there without kids or married one either or both. Today there was a few people younger and I was glad. And a few more than just two single. It included my sister, me, my friend and our cousin (and my cousin who was pregnant's) older sister.
This is the conclusion I have cause truly I want to have a baby and I have for sometime now since I was a kid maybe even. That we need to be in the right spot and we will get all we desire but it has to be about Gods good timing. As much as I DESIRE to be a mom WITH ALL MY HEART I am just not in such a place to be it right now. I am not making much money, I am not in my career, I am not living on my own, I am not married (important BIG one!). How I get to that place I guess in the end is up to God. Its not up to me or anyone else. I cant make a list and check it twice on a husband, I cant do much of anything. I can be silly and read baby books, plan fake weddings, day dream and hope that it will come true.
But having kids will always be one of my top THREE life goals: Career I love, Husband, Kids. Its right there written in the stars, my heart and my life. Just being single right now and NO WHERE near that goal just kinda breaks my heart no matter how happy I am for the person having a baby its just not easy when it isnt you.
That is all.
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