dadadada...blah!!!!! Thats my thoughts on someone besides me getting married. Honestly I am HAPPY for them but SAD for me. If that makes any sense than you too must be single. But if you are married, or engaged or even just dating you dont get it. Its heartbreaking to have to witness a wedding and not be the one walking down the wedding ile.
When I was about 22 I decided to plan my wedding. I was young and had lots of time. Actually I dont know how I did it. I was in college, working part time at the store Barnes & Noble on the weekends, reading lots of books, sleeping little and planning a wedding. Who to? Not known and didnt care. I bought 4 magazines (all at once mind you) on ebay, I bought a few good wedding book or two I wanted badly enough, had my mom buy me a FITNESS magazine that was for getting in shape for your wedding. I subscribed to all these email sites for weddings. I might admit here I was also on a few letters back then they were called yahoogroups or whatever they are called now, for people who were pregnant. Yeah didnt help.
I dreamed about weddings, watched the few wedding movies I owned on dvd over and over again. I planned the top 3 songs, even buying the cds (before itunes or whatever I just had to buy the WHOLE cd) with those songs on them. I still love all my ideas btw I have my little notebook that I made and love the ideas. With a love of sunflowers I thought of using them in everything and its not unqiue. Releasing butterflies instead of throwing rice. Over the years and a few weddings I have gone to I have gathered more ideas like cameras at the tables, and things for favors too. I mean I am like always planning my wedding secretly but havent done it since that year I really did so. I told my mom I did this and she said it was "normal" but was it? I mean I had NO guy at the time. I wasnt dating, just dreaming of marriage. I think at that age I didnt realize what marriage meant. I wanted to be with someone forever and ever and all that happy ever after crap. Its not crap but it is when you dont got it. So I wanted that badly.
My mom told me to write down the age I wanted to be married by, tell God and it would come true. Okay God ready? I wrote down 22. I was nearly 22 when I wrote that. Oops I didnt get it. Okay God 25? When 25 came and went I gave up on ages and decided it was crap to tell God when you wanted to be married after all if you arent ready at that age (or the guys not or both of you!) then it wont happen. but silly me I thought it would work that way. No it did not.
I was at an interview today at Icing the store related to Claires. I saw all this wedding, bride stuff and thought hey thats kinda cool. Then I thought cruel oops and yeah again I felt upset about not being married.
Little reminders are everywhere. Unless you sit at home dont watch tv, read books, go to the movies, watch dvds, listen to the radio or leave your place you will be reminded. How boring life would be without all that. What would you do with your time? So as you can see no matter what you do as a single person you will MORE THAN LIKELY be reminded of it cruely every single stinking day of your single life.
I'm starting to feel bad for myself so I am stopping my first entry. But as you can see this is how the blogs will go. I might keep a notebook with ideas, or just write when I want to, or write and later post. Whatever the format this is my diary of a single girl who would love to with all her heart not be so!!!!
Till next time!
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